7 Months ago, I was moving on from a 5 year relationship and in search for who I was. I decided to pack up my belongings and move to Hollywood. I was craving adventure and had always wanted to move there, so I decided to try it out.
I had a ton of fun out there, but didn't end up being a place that I would want to stay permanently, so I filled up every last bit of space in my car with my belongings and headed back home. One of the states I was going to pass through was Utah, where I had been shipped off to a boarding school when I was 15. That was one of the most traumatic experiences I had been through. The way that the school was run was not right. My parents had sent me there because I was running away and failing out of high school. They had no idea what was taking place in the school because we weren't allowed to talk to them.
Before hitting the road, I googled the school (Cross Creek Manor) and found tons of articles stating that the owners had been sued. I also read that it had shut down a couple of weeks ago, which put a big smile on my face. I decided that maybe seeing it shut down would give me some peace.
Oddly enough, the song "Free Bird" came on as I pulled up to the school and drove around the building to see if there were cars in the parking lot. There were. I drove back to the front and parked. Seeing the cars made me wonder if I had been misinformed and that the school was still running.
I started putting together a story about what I would tell the staff to allow me to tour the place. Hi I'm just driving through and was seeing if this place would be a good fit for my troublesome sister. Can I have a tour? I had my story all prepared. I don't condone dishonesty, but in this situation, I didn't care. The first thing I noticed were the black screens with tiny holes on the windows. They were placed there so that nobody could see in. They also let in sunlight but were a little difficult to see out of. They were placed there to prevent students from looking out and making "run plans." I walked over to the main entrance, but the door was locked.
I looked to my right and noticed that the gates were unlocked. This was a very secure building. Each staff member would carry a key card on them and they had to scan it to go through any of the connecting buildings and different rooms throughout. I had a feeling of relief when I spotted the unlocked gate. I then knew that there was no way this place was still up and running. I didn't want to find out that young teens were still going through what I had suffered through.
I walked up to the gate and wondered if I should stop. What if I got in trouble for trespassing? I figured I would probably just be asked to leave if anything. I stepped into the gate. To my left was the courtyard where we would walk in a single-file lines. We would cross this area to get from bedrooms to other parts of the facility; such as the dining hall or classrooms. We would also spend about an hour a day out there. There was a level system, and if you were on level 1, you couldn't talk to anyone. So I had many memories of myself walking around in silence waiting for the hour to be over. That was considered our "free time".
In front of me was the cafeteria closed off with glass doors. Memories immediately flooded through my mind. To my surprise, the doors were unlocked so I walked in. I saw long plastic picnic tables moved around and stacked on top of each other. I could see my 15 year old self sitting at a table eating in silence while the other students and I listened to motivational cassette tapes. We weren't allowed to talk when the tapes were playing, which was about 90% of the time. I looked over to the food line and saw myself serving students their food when I had to work in the kitchen.
I was standing in front of a staircase. A young man walked out of the kitchen. At the same moment, an older man walked down the stairs clearly wondering who I was. I smiled and asked the older man if the school had shut down. "Yes", he smiled. "I am working for the owner, just fixing up a couple of things in the building."
"Oh wow, well I am a former student. I was driving through town and was hoping to be able to walk through the place".
"Oh well, you are welcome to check it out. I can take you around if you would like to see anything in particular. I have a key to all the buildings."
"Really? I would love that! I don't want to take up any of your time though if you are busy."
"Oh no, I am just patching up the roof right now and would much rather show you around." He was so friendly, which I wasn't expecting. We walked into the courtyard and to main building.
"I can't believe I am walking through this place right now. I remember it all so well." He smiled and waved the key card in front of the scanner which unlocked the door. A memory of me stealing a key card flashed through my head. I found an opportunity once when a staff member unknowingly dropped it in front of me. I was caught shortly after and was forced to sit on the floor in a small cement room, not allowed to move.
We walked in and the place was deserted. The hallways were dimly lit with the sunlight seeping through the windows of the classrooms. "This is weird, I just got the chills," I shook my shoulders as I looked around.
"It's kind of spooky. It's like a ghost town in here," said the man as I peered into the classrooms. I saw myself opening my "gifts" on Christmas in one room. My group had been gathered into the room to open packages sent by our parents. There wasn't much that I was allowed to have. I received a pair of pajamas, new shampoo, and some photos of the family. The pajamas were great because bed time was the only time we were allowed to be out of uniform. I never thought I would be so excited for shampoo, but I couldn't wait to open the bottle and smell the fresh fruity smell. The photos sent a piercing pain into my heart. It brought me back to the reality that I was locked away on Christmas while my family gathered together, laughing and telling stories.
We walked by another classroom and I walked in. "What was this room for?"
"This is where you went when you were in trouble," I laughed. You would have to sit in one of those desks all day and listen to boring cassette tapes about philosophers. You had to take tests on them and could only leave to use the restroom, eat meals, and go to school." We kept walking. "This is the room where I sat and plotted my escape.." We laughed and walked to the gym.
"How long ago were you here?" I felt that he was really enjoying this tour. It was nice to have the sense that this man who didn't know me was genuinely interested in my past. I was really enjoying his company.
"I was here 9 years ago. I'm 24 now."
"Wow, so that must have been when this place was really booming. A couple weeks ago, there were only about 60 students here. It had a really bad reputation because of all the law suits, so that's why they had to shut it down."
"I'm not surprised. I'm really glad it did. They didn't treat kids well here."
We walked upstairs where we went to "school". I explained to the man that we didn't have any teachers. We were given text books to read and take tests from. I explained that I felt I had lost out on some decent education. He noticed the old uncomfortable-looking desks and asked if I had to use them when I was attending. I did indeed.
As we walked back downstairs and out into the courtyard, he asked how I ended up at the school and a little more about myself. He knew that when students were sent there, they were usually yanked out of bed by 2 strangers in the middle of the night. A memory of two girls in their 20's holding up handcuffs flashed. They put me in their car and drove me many miles away. "It must have been very traumatizing for you to have gone through that. Not knowing where you were going and who those people were. I'm sorry you had to go through that."
"It was really traumatizing. But my parents ended up seeing how depressed this place made me, and sent me to a much better place. That whole experience was very hard, but it made me who I am today, so it's okay."
We arrived back to the parking lot and I asked him if I could bring him some coffee or breakfast. He turned down the offer, but thanked me. "What's your name?" I asked.
"Kristen." We shook hands. "Dave, thank you so much. I really needed that and it was so nice of you to take the time to do that for me.
He started to tear up. With a pleased look on his face, he told me that he was happy to do it and walked back into the building. I got into my car and sat there processing everything. This man who didn't even know me just so happened to be coming down the stairs as I entered the building. He dropped everything he was doing to make sure that I could re-visit my past. He exuded empathy and curiosity through the whole experience. I was so moved by the whole thing.
I had to do something for him. I had a box of envelopes on the passenger seat next to me so I grabbed one and wrote a note on it:
Dave,
Thank you so much for showing me around the school today. My stay here really was traumatizing, and I needed that to be able to heal. Please take this $20, and buy some lunch for you and the gentleman you are working with.
-Kristen
I walked over to his truck. The door to the bed of it was open and there were a couple of tool boxes in it. I placed the envelope with a $20 bill in it underneath the tools.
About 3 hours later, I arrived in the town Grand Junction where my friend had died saving my life 5 years ago. I wasn't looking forward to driving through that town because it brought back painful memories. I had to stop for gas in the town, and I also had to find a mailbox to send a check to my old landlord. I reached into the box of envelopes and pulled one out. I was shocked when I opened it.
There was a $20 bill in it! When I was in LA, I would sometimes stash money in random places to keep safe until I could take it to the bank. I don't remember putting that money in there, but I'm sure that's how it got there. I couldn't believe I had managed to find that only a couple of hours after I had just given the same amount to someone. The rest of my drive through Grand Junction was easy. I felt that someone was looking out for me and knew that everything was going to be okay.
Related:
No comments:
Post a Comment