I coach a lot of single ladies I know as they go through the struggle of watching their friends and family move into milestones they themselves have not yet reached but long for. Why am I qualified to give advice? That period in my life when I was single was a rollercoaster of emotions. I was proud of myself for my achievements, enjoyed the dating experiences, hated dating experiences, grew tired of being single, grew tired of hoping for the "right one" to come along, cried at times, leaned on my girlfriends at times, yet learned so much about myself through that time in life.
And although it was tough at times, I wouldn't take that very important, self-descovering period of my life. Here are some tips to help you get through those tough moments:
1. It's freaking hard! But still worth it in the end.
Sometimes, I absolutely hated being single. I would look at other couples around me and think, what is wrong with me? Why can't I have that? I desired it so bad, yet I kept winding up on these dates that just seemed liked they would go nowhere. It was exhausting.
Well, I'm married now, and I can tell you that I am so happy I had that time to be single. I learned so much about myself and had the freedom to explore life. You can't do that as much when you are with somebody; you have to make sure your work schedule aligns with his, don't want to be out with your girlfriends late much any longer, and have to think seriously about being more strict with your finances so you can prepare for major things like a house purchase, children, etc.
I had so many fun experiences from that period in my life when I was doing life by myself, and it was such so neat to bring those into my relationship when I met the man I married. I was able to show him all these things that I had learned, and he did the same for me. Don't take this time in your life for granted!
2. Making Dating a Priority When I wanted a Relationship Took Perseverance.
Did I mention how exhausting it was to continuously put myself out there and go out on dates? It just seemed like a constant struggle to muster up the energy to dress myself up, put on a smile, try to ignore those uneasy nervous knots in my stomach, and then experience the let-down when the guy and I wouldn't click or when he would say something like, "I'm enjoying this Mortgage career, but one day I think I'd like to open up a pot shop." No offense if that's your bag, but it's not for me.
3. Your Girlfriends Rock. Spend Lots Of Time With Them.
My girlfriends always brought a warm, cheerful feeling to my life while I was doing life on my own, wondering when I would meet my prince charming. Use this time to create as many memories with them as you can, because once you get married, you won't see them as much as you may think.
Also, it will be so much fun to be with them through all of your wedding preparation and festivities when it is your time. They will have been there through your dating struggles, and they will be so excited to help celebrate with you and prepare you to become a wife.
4. DO NOT FORGET THAT YOU ARE WORTHY OF A GOOD GUY.
There were too many times when dates with a particular guy would fizzle out or he would ghost me, and I would wonder if I wasn't pretty enough, smart enough, yada yada yada. I know I'm not alone in this because I talk my single girlfriends through this all the time. It's easier said than done, but please try not to do this to yourself.
You are wonderful, beautiful, and your future husband will feel so lucky to be with you. You are dating to find someone truly special, and that guy is out there. You two just wouldn't quite click. Don't take that upon yourself. It's both of you, and it's totally normal. It happens all the time, and it doesn't mean that you will never find your guy.
5. Do Not Settle.
I had some family members and friends who would sometimes wonder if I was being too picky at times. Yes, I do believe that sometimes that will happen with some people, but I know it wasn't that way with me. I think you can be afraid of relationships and push potentials away; however, I refused to be with anyone that I didn't enjoy being around, didn't really get excited to talk to, or would rarely hear from throughout the day or week.
I knew when I found my guy because I felt completely different - alive, excited, and he made me feel special. I know you probably hear this all the time, but you just know when you find it.
You may find me referencing Steve Jobs through my blog from time to time because the speech he gave at Stanford University really moved me. One thing he said that always sticks with me is, "If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle." He was referring to finding a career, however it is true with relationships as well. Don't settle. You'll know when you find it.
How is your dating experience going? If you're in a LTR, do you have any advice to give our readers? Join in on the conversation, and post your comments below
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